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Weak2Strong

Getting Back Up!

Does anyone find themselves getting lost in regrets? Thinking about how you want to change so many things about your life.  I have felt that way before, but now I know that everything happens for a reason. I was a teenage mother, I had my son at the young age of eighteen. At that moment I was alone and if it weren't for the amazing support of my mother I probably would have lost my mind. I was a good kid, I just lost my way. I didn't have anything to live for and I lost track of who I was and needed a wake up call. God gave me one all right, in the form of an eight pound baby boy. He has everything I love about myself, big blue eyes, a feisty attitude, and a smile that can light up any room. I had lost all respect for myself before him and there was nothing I loved about being me. I thought that I had so many scars it didn't matter what happened to me. I was punishing myself everyday and I never felt like I was good enough. I never knew how strong I really was until I became a mother. I am not good at many things, I am not the smartest woman, I don't have very many creative bones in my body, I don't keep up with things well, but one thing I know I am good at is being a mother. As soon as I held that beautiful baby everything I wanted blurred and everything he needed was all that took up my mind. My life before him was gone and he was my life, my world, the only thing that I ever did right. Every moment after that was solely dependent on putting a smile on his face. I was a broken person and I did not at all know who I was, but he took me and he needed me. He made me get up, he made me go on, and he didn't let me feel sorry for myself. I decided to put off what I wanted and regain respect for myself. I started trying to change every little thing I wasn't proud of, and with my baby boy I made a clean slate. I had him and I was so happy with my little one, but was lacking someone to spend my life with. I didn't want to look for something because I knew I would fall into my old ways and find someone who was completely wrong for me. My mother gave me this book, "The Lady, the Lover, and the Lord." It talks about how you should first love your God, then yourself, and then love will come your way and not any love, the love that God has created for you. I wrote a list of everything I wanted in that man, it had about 25 things and I decided to not settle for anything less. I then waited for that love to come my way. Matthew, my love came back to me when our baby boy was almost one. Our boy I say because he is my son's father. He had everything on my list the only thing that didn't match was that he smokes. He is absolutely perfect for me in every way and he makes me feel so beautiful. My Papa had a talk with me just before he died and it was the deepest most important talk we ever had he said, "When you know, you know. If you do, don't let that person get away, you'll feel it." We were dating two weeks before I knew he was going to be my husband. He gave me a respect that no one else showed me and I not only knew he loved me, but how much he loved me made me love myself even more. He accepted everything about me. I still think that my Grandma and Papa had something to do with him coming back to me. We were two people who had no idea who each other were and that were broken and didn't know who we were, but together we made ourselves happy and we built each other back up. We got married in May of this year, we haven't been married long, but we know we are never getting divorced. The perfect love for me came when I had stopped looking and started saying, "Lord, bring me someone, not just anyone, but the person that you created just for me." And I believe with all my heart that I found that person. I didn't find him on my own, he was sent to me, he was states away and got sent back because I gave up control and accepted that by myself I was just going to waste my time with people who weren't the one for me and that I needed to put all my trust and faith in God to find him. It amazes me when I see how much the things that cause us pain and sorrow are the things that make us so much stronger. I read a quote that said, "Your struggles were not meant to make you weaker, they were meant to make you stronger." I believe that every heartbreak and every ending I had to go through was meant to make me a stronger person. To make me the person that my husband and my son needed me to be. I needed to feel disrespected and hurt and unloved so I would not miss out on the man that he was sending me. I do know this that every parent should give that book, "The Lady, the Lover, and The Lord." to their daughter. Make sure that she knows not to lower her standards or change what she wants and make sure that she knows to put her faith in God to choose the man for her. Because if you don't she could end up like I was and will choose someone who is not going to treat her right instead of waiting for the one that God made just for her. I know if I have a daughter she will be given that book and she will get a purity ring to go right along with it. :)

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