I've reached a time in my life when I've realized that I haven't accomplished half of what I want to. It is easy to look at that empty checklist of everything I wanted to be when I grew up or how I've wanted to move away for half of my lifetime and am still sitting in the same city, but I don't think of my life as a failure. I believe that God sometimes takes away the things we wanted to do to switch them out with the things in this life that we need to do. I didn't wake up one morning and say, "I'm going to be a teenage mother and alone." or "I'm going to be an extremely suicidal person." When I was a child I wanted to be a pastor, a missionary, a youth counselor, a therapist, and now I'm a stay at home mom. It does amaze me how much life experience God put into me through time and that today being a mother and being a woman who went from total darkness to now an illuminating life I would be perfect for any of those positions. I don't know what I am supposed to do out of life yet, but what I do know is what I haven't accomplished will not make me feel defeated or diminish my hope in accomplishing more. The next few years, my children are going to be my main focus and since I wanted to be a pastor, I will make sure I pray with them and teach them they are never alone. Since I wanted to be a missionary, I can write to all of you and know that even if I only reach one person or change how one person views God, or how dark one person's day may be, or if I can persuade even one person to push forward then it is worth it to me and I know that my words, the ones from my heart, are going out for a reason and I'm still in a way accomplishing my goals. But, one thing I know is that I have a husband who loves me dearly, a son who is the center of my world, and a dog that I adore, we can eat and we live our lives and our house is one with a lot of love and what's not to be proud of there, I must have done something right.:) But friends, if your not where your meant to be, if your stuck in one place mentally, or if you don't have the strength to move forward, the only thing you need to do is go to a serene place and talk to God. Because he will never abandon you and he always has a listening ear and I promise that the decision of what to do or what you need in your life, whatever it may be will come to you. And that doesn't mean that you'll have everything worked out right away, all things don't just come to you, God is not a magic genie who grant your wishes. He is a Father who will guide you, who will not always give you what you want, and sometimes it's because what you want is not what you need or what is meant for you and it is not up to you. Whatever life brings me and whatever changes within myself come to me I know that my life is led by him and he only gives me what I can handle, whether it be failure, or pain, or sadness, he knows I will make it through. I just have to stay on his road, take the detours he provides, and know that I'm going to be alright. It irritates me when I see those stickers that say, "God is my Co-Pilot." Flat out, God is not your second in command, he does stay beside you, but he is your Pilot, he is who guides you, he doesn't ride along with you over a cliff, he decides the course, he decides your road and you can run from him and try to do things your own ways and I completely wish you luck on that journey, but I'm going to let him pilot my life because with my God I won't get lost, I know that he has great things for me and that I want to ride along with him, as he drives and I'm letting Jesus lead my life.