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I'm Already In Your Hands.

Today has been a pretty hard day. This morning we ran short on money for our bills for reasons completely out of our control, I woke up at 4 am and have been up ever since after not getting to bed until 12, and lastly my housework has spiraled out of control having no time to clean. There have been a few times when I've looked around and felt nothing but hopelessness and sadness, what a waste. I have an amazing husband and two boys who need me, I don't have time to feel anything but happiness and most importantly no reason to feel hopelessness. Today it got to the middle of the day and I don't know why, but the words to the song by "Kutless" came into my head from "What Faith Can Do." I sang the words,"It doesn't matter what you've heard, impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try, everybody's scared to death, when they decide to take that step, out on the water, It'll be alright." At that moment I realized that my hopelessness had pushed away my faith entirely. How much faith do you have? Do you know that God accepts you, forgives you, never lets you go, and even in utter hopelessness he will draw you right back. I lose my faith sometimes and I get overcome with my doubt, by my worries, but I'm human. When I feel that way I turn to my word, my music, and lose myself in it before I lose the pieces of me entirely. Sometimes I get afraid that God will let me go, but I am reminded in his word that no matter what nothing can separate me from his love. I also have moments when I get angry at God and misplace my anger completely, I'm not someone who is innocent of thinking that if God was with me then why didn't he stop certain things from happening to me or why didn't he show me he was with me? At these moments I realize that I am a depressed immature pessimist. Because though he could have pulled me out of my pain or depression or changed how I hit rock bottom, I needed it, I needed the pain to experience the joy, I needed the depression to make myself come out of it, and I needed to hit rock bottom to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back up. If you are asking yourself, "Why did you let me go through that God?" Then maybe you should ask yourself the question, "Why do I appreciate the joy and happiness I feel now?" and realize that you do because God helped you out, built you up stronger, and the battles you've faced make it so that now the mountains are molehills, the pain is a memory, and your standing on the other side and it is because of God that you made it through. So rather than focusing on the tragedy of the past, focus on the joy you appreciate for today because you survived it. God doesn't expect us to understand his ways, nor could we ever, but I know that I have changed drastically over the years and at every chapter my God has held onto me, when I was broken, I was accepted by him. When I was strong, accepted by him. When I was suicidal, accepted by him, It doesn't matter what I go through and what I do, I am accepted and forgiven for him. The joy, the happiness, the security, and the confidence I feel today are because of God, he took the negative away, and made room for what was meant for me. And I'm telling you that no matter how hopeless you feel there is still hope, you just gotta give him some faith and realize that he may be responsible for trials and heartbreak, but the joy and happiness he brings you far outweighs anything bad that has ever happened. And if you haven't reached the point where you now see that everything happens to you for a reason, where you are still at rock bottom, then there is absolutely nowhere to go but up because I think you know that you can't go down anymore than you already are. But just as the song says, "Everybody's scared to death, when they decide to take the step, out on the water, it'll be alright." And that's the truth, it's not easy to admit that your life is spiraling out of control and that you need to take that step towards God, but I will tell you that when you decide you move forward and look only up, it's the greatest feeling in the world to know that there is no reason to need acceptance from others because your perfectly made by him, to know that it's going to be okay because you put your faith in him, and to know that your mistakes and flaws disappear by his grace. I found a poem I wrote a long time ago in an old purse of mine, it says,"When I don't feel okay, and I forget your holding me, I'm reminded of your grace, And when I feel afraid, And slip back to yesterday, I put my trust into your hands, because I'm already in your hands." And though I was young and it isn't perfect it's true because I am already in his hands, I don't need to feel hopeless or alone because he has already made the plans for me to prosper and I am already safe in his hands. :) Goodnight everyone and I am going to finish this post with a song. I absolutely this band and their music, the lyrics are so beautiful:)
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City Harbor - You're There
City Harbor performing "You're There" live from the Living Room.



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