This is the past!
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This is the past!

"Satisfaction is not always the fulfillment of what you want; it is the realization of how blessed you are for what you have."
I have been in a depression since the beginning of this week. I'm clueless to what brought it on, I just know I have not been up and around much. Sometimes I feel like nobody is listening and that I am completely alone. I constantly just want a glass of wine and peace of mind, but it seems that I can't get my worries and thoughts to disappear. I hate when I slip into these moods because I know my husband and son have to deal with me like this. It feels like nowadays I go two weeks being scared of everything around me from my anxiety. Then I will go a couple of days feeling amazing and like nothing will stop me. Then before I know it, I'm knocked right back down with my depression. Does anybody else feel like this? I think I'm crazy sometimes for not wanting medicine. I've never spoke about on here so I will shed a little more light on it. I had a childhood of abuse from my father, I held it in for a very long time, never confronted the pain, and kept it bottled inside. This led to me being diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic, bipolar, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  In case there are people who don't understand these, I will list the meaning of each one. Depression- is a serious medical condition with a broad range of symptoms. Emotional symptoms can include sadness, loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, thoughts of death or suicide, and feelings of guilt or worthlessness. Anxiety- Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a pattern of constant worry and anxiety over many different activities and events. Most people with the disorder report that they have been anxious for as long as they can remember. The main symptom is the almost constant presence of worry or tension, even when there is little or no cause. Worries seem to float from one problem to another, such as family or relationship problems, work issues, money, health, and other problems. Even when aware that their worries or fears are stronger than needed, a person with GAD still has difficulty controlling them.Other symptoms include:
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Fatigue
  • Irritability
  • Problems falling or staying asleep, and sleep that is often restless and unsatisfying
  • Restlessness, and often becoming startled very easily
Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations where the sufferer perceives the environment as being difficult to escape or get help. These situations include, but are not limited to, wide-open spaces, as well as uncontrollable social situations such as in shopping malls, airports, and on bridges. Agoraphobia is a subset off of panic disorder , involving the fear of incurring a panic attack in those environments. The sufferer may go to great lengths to avoid those situations, in severe cases becoming unable to leave their home or safe haven.
Bipolar disorder is a condition in which people go back and forth between periods of a very good or irritable mood and depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very quick.
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death.
These are my main ailments and these ailments affect every day of my life. If it's not one of them that I have trouble with, it is another. I have learned that these ailments are not who I am and will not let them change who I am. I have decided that I will not be medicated. Most medicines I was given made my anxiety worse, stripped me of all emotion, or made it so I felt like I wasn't actually there. To be with my husband and son and feel as though I live every day with them and not like I am fogging out all day I have decided to not take anything. This decision I think made me a much stronger person because I said, "These are diseases of the mind that I have and I can deal with everyday  as it comes." Did you know major depression affects 15 million American adults each year, and about 40 million American adults suffer from anxiety? So I'm not alone. Your not alone. I have had a lot of friends struggling with some of the same diagnoses lately and I think it's important to remind them that I am experiencing a lot of the same problems and that they are NEVER ALONE. This song has been the only thing besides my little boy keeping me going today and it always helps me to get up and clean and do what I need to do so I figured I want to share it. 
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Hedley - One Life
Music video by Hedley performing One Life. (C) 2011 Universal Music Canada Inc.

2 Comments to This is the past!:

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pp woven bag machine on Friday, May 17, 2013 6:18 AM
Wow that was odd. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say wonderful blog!
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emmybello on Tuesday, May 21, 2013 4:55 AM
I appreciate, result in I found exactly what I used to be looking for. You've ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
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