Trying to Be a Good Person
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Trying to Be a Good Person

Do you ever have days your trying to stay on the straight and narrow, but feel like flipping everyone the bird? I can acknowledge that I am having one of those days. I don't know what kind of person you are, but I am one of those hold everything in until I blow up kind of people and it seems that pregnancy makes me even more along those lines. While I am not very proud of the way I bluntly cursed at a man cutting me off in a parking lot and did use my middle finger, it has stuck with me the entire day, it always does. Just as I've already said that the way you react to a situation can make or break you. Today was not a good day for me, spent most of my day filled with anxiety and nothing I said and did today am I proud of. I think everyone has these kind of days, the ones we're glad are over so that we can get up tomorrow and forget about the brain transplant we briefly encountered the day before. While I don't like the way I act on these days or am I proud of it, I am grateful to still see the changing inside my soul. It is the days where you at your all time low that truly show you how far we have climbed. I'm not saying I don't stumble, I am in no way perfect nor will I try to be because it doesn't exist, but I am confident that I'm shaping myself more into the woman I want to be. If your having a day like I am and are experiencing problems whether they are inside yourself or along the lines of feeling down by others just pause for a moment and think, "Man, this is a crappy day, but my heart is still beating." Because with that heartbeat no matter how down you are, you can always get back up because you still have the opportunity to change tomorrow into a better day. I'm not saying you should take today for granted, all I am saying is that with the beat there is still so much hope for what lies ahead. In my life I have rededicated my life only a handful of times, I think a lot of the reason why is because I got saved at 13 years old and I've had a lot of eyeopening experiences and growing up since then. My father was a bad man, he didn't make me feel like much and filled me with a lot of anger and bad perception towards myself, but it amazes me that despite my past, I am very hopeful that people can change. I believe anyone can make a change and that there is always a reason out there to have hope that you can pick yourself up. I have fought through crazy battles and have grown up knowing that there are amazing testimonies out there of people who have went from absolutely nothing to live for to absolutely filled with happiness and joy in this life. And what I know more than anything in this life is that my God can get me through anything. One of my favorite verses is, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." It just calms me when I read it, It's one of my go to verses when times are hard because I always get the Lincoln Brewster song go through my head, those words they just make me sing, I can never say the verse, I always start to sing it and once I read it once I sing it the entire day. I know that change is possible, if there is a will there is a way and I know I have a lot of will power. I have had trying months where all I can see is the dark and where I feel defeated, but I know that if I say those words and if I pray, even if just a glimmer of hope God is working in me trying to get me back into the light, but he can't do it all by himself we have to put effort in it as well. Just as the Diamond Rio song goes that reminds me of my husband and I, "I'd start walking your way, you'd start walking mine, we meet in the middle, beneath that old Georgia pine, we'd gain a lot of ground, cause we both give a little, there aint no road too long, when we meet in the middle." We have to be brave and walk down that road, the one that is different then what we've been putting into our life and keep moving uphill and most importantly moving forward and we'll have days where we lose our footing and everything pushes us to turn around, but just remember that as you climb you build up more and more of yourself. And if you build yourself strong enough then you can't be shaken down or be dragged back into the darkness because your above it and it still behind you. There's always hope for another day and hope for a change, you just have to welcome it into your heart. Here's a song just for happiness :) Goodnight everyone. 

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Sara Bareilles - Brave
Music video by Sara Bareilles performing Brave. (C) 2013 Epic Records, a division of Sony Music EntertainmentBuy the single here:

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